Small Changes

A few months ago my mother suffered from a minor stroke. I was terrified. I couldn't bare another year of tragedy back to back. Fortunately she was at the right place at the right time and her friends called within the window to reverse the side effects and stop paralysis. 

I was angry because I knew she wasn't eating healthy and she was depressed about the loss of my father. I realized I did the same thing. I ate whatever I wanted to make myself feel better and to forget in that moment he was gone. But it didn't help. I kept thinking to myself my dad would say, "You getting big girl". I would just laugh to myself then be angry and sad again. 

The nurse told my mom, with side eye to me as well, that if we make small changes we will start to see the difference. I brought my mom home and I threw out all the soda. She was so angry and asked,"What will I have for guests?" I responded, "I don't care about your guests and they shouldn't be drinking this stuff either." I even posted to all my friends and family on Facebook to not bring my mom unhealthy food and we will try to get healthy together. I did it to motivate her but I was lying to myself. I kept eating crap, business as usual. 

But last week I felt it. I felt the rolls in my tummy, I felt heavy, and I felt my friends looking at me with judgement and pity. I was angry that my friend wanted to take a picture of me. I even tried to dodge family so they couldn't see me look the way I look right now. I said 2017 is going to be different. Everything else in my life is ok right now. I say right now because life is a roller coaster and I have to enjoy it while it is good. So  self-care will be my focus in 2017.

So here are my "small changes" for now: 




Cherry Coke Zero is my main drug of choice but as I get older my body is paying for it. This was something I tossed for my mother but something I can't buy for myself anymore. Even though it is "diet" I knew the risk but it is so darn addicting I couldn't stop.  

My mother told me she had to buy me something for Christmas so I asked for the Soda Stream. I needed to kick my soda habit but I like having fizz in my life. Plus, I got tired of buying those water bottles and recycling them. PS I heard vanilla and cinnamon combined is a good way to get that cola taste so I may have to try it.

I had an old personal trainer told me to use heavy whipping cream instead of creamer. But honestly it made me, let's just say, uncomfortable. Plus, it was a pain to ask for at Starbucks, the baristas always rolled their eyes. 

I already substituted milk with almond milk a while ago as I found out most minorities our lactose intolerant which explained why queasiness. Dairy in general is not great but cheese is one thing that is soooo hard to give up because it's so delicious. Baby steps. PSA to Starbucks: Put almond milk and soy at the customer prep station! It is a nuisance for both me and you. 

Despite it's title, Smartfood Popcorn is not smart food. I lied to myself thinking it was a healthy substitute but if you can get it at a gas station it most likely isn't. On top of that, I would add extra cheese and melt it in the microwave! God, that is such a fat thing to do. 

I had my husband shop with me and told him I needed a snack substitute in the interim. We checked almost every item in the aisle, spoiled Americans, to find something less fatty and surprisingly Pirate's Booty came on top. Then I remembered I was skinnier when I snacked on this as opposed to other cheesy poofs. 

That's right. I would eat a morning bun from Starbucks, donut from Starbucks, the donut shop, 7 Eleven, or cinnamon roll from Panera a few times a week. What. The. Hell. Was. I. Thinking? I'm a grown a$$ woman, not a child. I think I honestly gave up all hope at this point. 

My former trainer from Whole Body Method in LA told me about these. She highly recommends them and she was so freaking hot. She looked like Rashida Jones mixed with Hayden Panettiere. I know right? I can't remember her name though! Anyways, she said I needed to curb my sweet tooth. When we would go over my diet she reminded me I should not be getting my food from gas stations and when I confessed to eating a whoopie pie her response, "A whoopie pie? Really?" She was great. Obviously natural foods are the better way to go but sometimes you would something more and something on the go. 

Anyways, I'm not a dietician but hoping these small changes will help as I continue to learn more about my body and what works best for me. 

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